My back is aching badly, while I’m making a strenuous effort to type away on my laptop...
This current feeling of uncertainty is hard to live with; what’s going to happen next? I never thought I’d say this, but I hate holidays. Hate is a strong word; rather, I hate these holidays, and that they have to be so damn long. Maybe I’ll regret saying this in the future. Have some sympathy, though, a month is almost an insult to me and my education! What am I paying for? I don’t need a break, I need to work, Goddamit!
I’m tired, I don’t want to spend this post ranting about the education system. Frankly, I’m nitpicking. I guess if I wanted more subject content and contact time, I should’ve picked something like Computer Science, where I’d get 20 lectures a week instead of my comfortable less-than-ten. Here’s the thing — I’m not good at Computer Science, or any -science for that matter. Four generations of scientists in my family, and I’m the first artist, or something along those lines, anyway; a man of many talents, hah! I’ve always been led to believe that this came to be so, because of my laziness... only partly. I had many a chance in school – like everyone else – to apply myself and prove my worth, and I did, but not in the fields my ancestors would have liked me to. Ah, how I fell in the eyes of my father. Pfft, calligraphy, typography, graphic design – those are mere buzzwords for him and many other like-minded intellectuals...
I’m in full-time education at a university, and I can’t even get a job at Asda; I failed their online questionnaire, and not the first time to do so, either. What does that say about me? Am I just plain stupid or too clever for them? I’ll let you decide, I’m too ashamed. Well, I’m definitely going to take away something from that experience: Don’t try getting jobs at Asda, or any other grocery stores for that matter! I’m a (soon-to-be) highly-skilled professional, and I should value myself more than that. Aim higher. What some earn in a day I will earn in an hour. Some food for thought.
I hate to second-guess, but what if Dad is right? What if all I’m doing is pure shit and won’t amount to anything? Am I working enough? Hell, no, I’ve never had the chance. But I want to. I’d like to aspire to know what real, down-to-earth labour is like. I’ve worked at Burger King, once (something I hope I’ll never have to experience ever again), and I’ve spent a large part of this summer at my grannie’s and grandad’s cutting down trees, and chopping wood. I dare say I’ve been endowed with quite a strong, and nifty pair of hands, something you can’t really put on a résumé!
Why am I defending myself? Why do I feel so insecure about being labelled a graphic designer, or an artist? It’s because deep down I’ve always wanted to be something more, to bring something to the people, to serve a purpose higher than that of creating utilitarian designs and boring pictograms. Maybe I am an artist...
In the end, it’s what I make of it. I love the field of graphic design and typography, and all the wondrous areas that encompass it with all my heart. Moreover, I enjoy it, and I want to devote my life to it. There, I’ve said it.
Someday, I will wake up one fine Monday morning, and look forward to spending a day at work, doing something I love. Or at least, partly. Hate bureaucracy.
Oh, and Merry Christmas!
$root - whoami despondent designer
Read nextReading Museum Pictograms
// Go back in timeThis is the End
// To the future