Today I realised that I want to spend the rest of my life in Russia. I’ve spent over 17 years – almost my whole life – abroad, in England. I always thought that I’d live a contented life here; graduate, find a job, start a family, and work somewhere in London or thereabouts for the remainder of my life. Oversimplified, but you get the gist. But I’m wrong in assuming so. You’d think that soon-to-be 18 years is more than enough a period to acclimatise a person, and you may be right in 99.999% of respects. However, that 0.001% is nudging at me, an itch that I can’t scratch. Hanging around the Russian Society at Reading Uni had an effect on me and I’ve felt something I haven’t felt in a long while; not many people I can speak to in Russian, here! Of course, this matter’s a bit soon to start screwing my head over, but they made me ponder, reconsider my options. I don’t have to stay in England! I look at my parents and think how hard it must have been for them, moving here to the UK at first opportunity, trailblazers. They’re happy. I am not.

That’s it, I’m moving back to Russia! I realise that I have nothing to lose, and nothing’s keeping me here. Just spend a few years at a graduate job working my arse off, paying out my loans, saving up some money... and then one fine morning decide to go back.

Maybe this will never be. Maybe I’m settled here for good. What if there are no prospects for me as a graphic designer in Russia?.. But there are, all right. The problem lies in the fact that I am not accustomed to the Russian lifestyle, things are done differently back home. And then there’s the language; it became a scary sort of Runglish for me, never quite as Russian as I want it to be. Many idioms and phrases that I just don’t know the equivalent of in Russian, and the other way round. I find it ironic that I keep this blog in English, just goes to show how insecure I feel to express my thought in my own tongue. But ultimately I need it, and I always miss it. My uncle told me once that he doesn’t believe that I’ll eventually move back to Moscow. We’ll see about that.

There’s also a third option: I may start a design agency or some such business (God knows how) in Moscow or St. Petersburg, and eventually have an office set up somewhere in England. It’s far-fetched, but it’s a nice idea. A dream.

I just need to focus on finishing my degree, first. Then there’s a possibility of completing an MA! God, how I like to plan things.

$root - whoami
depressed drunk 

// Go back in time

Dazed and Confused

// To the future

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Tagged under Russia Dilemma University